What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 00:01
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Why does the USA continue to be the driver of the world economy?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She married twice! .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Nice Hat, Loser - aftermath.site
But ive been too sick for many years..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I said to her
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
She loved him until the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Major US retailers cancel Nintendo Switch 2 pre-orders - GamesIndustry.biz
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
60 years ago, Ed White went out for walk photo of the day for June 3, 2025 - Space
I couldn’t, believe it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Samsung could drop Google Gemini in favor of Perplexity for Galaxy S26 - Ars Technica
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What is a sermon to talk about men?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why is Elvis Presley so controversial? Why do so many people love him and others despise him?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One cannot live in the past .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is soul school!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She found it foreign!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My life is so biszare .
I don,t even have a pension.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was 9 years of age.
I write beautiful poetry .
We all went to grammer schools
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Would this be the day?
When she asked me how she looked .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I will be 64.
But it wasn’t much.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was scared of men, in general
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He knew the spot.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I have no regrets .
I waited trembling.
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So whats the point in blame.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What did i know ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So, i spoilt her more .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was very sick at this time too.
She wouldn,t have been !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We were not on the streets..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was in good health!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
All the time i was locked up.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ive learnt so much.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Put me off passion for life!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But, we were locked up after school.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Who then, do I blame.?
Was to survive, this bastard.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i lived it daily.
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It was going to be , some day.